Allow yourself to relax and enjoy your relationship
Expectations. Is it beneficial to have expectations in a partnership? Or are they a sign of impending disappointment and conflict? Many individuals feel that expectations are reasonable, even after we commit and say "I do."
However, it is far preferable to assume nothing and presume innocent when our expectations are trampled by unforeseen circumstances. Whatever your intentions are, reality nearly always differs.
Are Expectations Beneficial in a Relationship?
First, let's define certain terms. According to the definition, expectancy is the act of looking forward to or anticipating something; the degree of possibility that something will occur. We naturally predict what will happen in life.
Expectation
However, change is unavoidable. The modification might be as basic as your partner's "anticipated" arrival time home from work. It's possible that your partner will get home by 6 p.m. However, various factors, such as road construction, high traffic, or a longer-than-expected talk with a coworker, can prevent that outcome.
For example, on Friday, I texted my spouse that I was leaving the workplace to go home. I received a critical phone call from a customer shortly after I texted, which delayed my departure. Oh, and since I was driving right past, I decided to stop at Albertsons and pick up a few groceries.
Things might change radically at any time. The only constant changes. So, how can couples effectively traverse the ups and downs of a relationship while adhering to the ideals of love, respect, and kindness?
To begin, expectations differ from plans
We can develop plans, but they must include some leeway and flexibility.
If the epidemic taught us anything, it was to let go of our expectations. We no longer go shopping expecting to receive what we want since retail products are frequently out of stock. Because my favorite brand's shelves were empty, I bought three different types of foamy hand soap from Target. Grocery businesses, big-box retailers, and construction suppliers have all faced significant inventory challenges.
Your partner's patience may be depleted, or they may be so fatigued that their stores are also empty. We can't expect them to offer us something they don't have.
Second, while change is unavoidable, disappointment is preventable
It is up to us how we react to our partner's actions or experiences!
Reality may hurt, but the majority of the pain and anguish stems from reality's clash with the picture-perfect ideal we've created in our imaginations. Although my love for Method foamy hand soap was interrupted, I really preferred two of the three products I purchased significantly more.
Learn to adapt. Include resilience in your regular fitness routine! Allow your spouse some leeway and recognize that various factors might interfere with their best intentions and attempts.
However, it's a bit of a paradox since it's also true that we need to have some expectations (or, as I prefer to call them, standards) in a relationship.
Don't allow perfection to become the enemy of good
As an avowed perfectionist who lives with a beautiful man who is a little untidy, I've had to constantly remind myself that good enough is good enough.
I enjoy ordering, and organizing is one of my favorite hobbies. When I travel, I have a fully-stocked toiletries bag and my favorite snacks in my suitcase at all times. My pantry is organized with labeled Tupperware containers, and I keep track of everything I borrow and lend, as well as what greeting cards I send to whom. I can find any file in the workplace in less than 6 seconds. I keep meticulous records of my spending and make the IRS appear unconcerned. (Can you imagine living with me?)
The underlying reason I am so thorough is that the more streamlined the needless things are, the simpler it is to adjust to the unexpected. And an efficient system allows me to spend more time with the people I care about!
However, my high "expectations" were an impediment to a good marriage early on in my marriage. Perfectionism just does not work in a relationship, and I learned the hard way not to sweat the minor stuff.
You can't change the circumstances, but you can change your mindset and be on the lookout for fresh chances
If we don't get fixated on achieving what we believe we want, we have more room to create something even greater. Years ago, a lady I coached had a detailed vision of her perfect relationship. She, on the other hand, neglected to match her ideal with her partner's—and theirs looked completely different. Every day was a letdown for her until she expressed her dream and they were on the same page. Communication helps to close the gap between reality and expectations.
When two individuals are in a relationship, one person's aspirations and dreams are no longer the only ones that matter. The ME must transform into a WE. This compassionate acceptance does not require us to compromise or give up what we desire; rather, we must be innovative to discover win-win solutions. We work hard to create experiences and outcomes that satisfy us both.
Learn to moderate your relationship expectations and search for opportunities to appreciate your spouse while satisfying your relationship requirements. Despite the frustrations of unanticipated changes, competing personalities, and opposing tastes, a romantic relationship is designed to be cherished and experienced! Accepting our human flaws allows us to move between acceptance and expectations while yet expecting the best.
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