I apologize. But I didn't really mean it
If you spend any amount of time with children—or even adults—you will eventually hear, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" or "I'm sorry, it wasn't my aim to harm you." The youngster or individual then continues about their business as if nothing had happened.
But how come we did it if we didn't mean it? Why do we disregard our actions so casually?
The Underlying Meaning of Communication Is Its Truth:
When we harm someone, why do we try to soften the blow by convincing ourselves that we "didn't intend to?"This expression is frequently used to refer to unconscious conduct and things for which we refuse to accept responsibility. It's like a teenager's "I don't know" remark, a cryptic statement designed to discourage further investigation. "I didn't mean it," on the other hand, has become so ubiquitous that we have grown to accept it as real.
Let's take a closer look.
All of our actions speak louder and more truthfully than our words. When our words do not match our deeds, our actions reveal our genuine motivation. Sorry, not sorry is insufficient.
"Only mobility can be trusted. Life occurs at the level of occurrences rather than words."
Unprocessed emotions, unacknowledged anguish, and unmet needs are the leading causes of cruel conduct. What we may imply by "I didn't mean it" is that it was not the result of conscious thinking or motive. When we dig deeper, we frequently discover buried sensations or unfulfilled needs that we haven't recognized yet.
When we injure another individual, we may be hurting ourselves. Unkindness to another might be an unconscious means of communicating our pain, a signal that we are in agony. It may have been that person, especially with children, who harmed us.
Of course, when a person's self-control is skewed as a result of excessive drinking or addiction, thoughtless and harsh comments may escape.
Even in those cases, the words may have origins in unresolved emotions or grief that scream out when impulse control is reduced.
With children, developmental immaturity and brain development limit their ability to manage themselves, thus it is up to adults to assist regulate their emotions and teach them how to express their feelings in healthy ways.
My goal here is to be more conscious of your emotions and to pay attention to what you say. Words may either sever or strengthen connections.
How many times has a spouse come home from work and shouted at their children? Were they motivated by a desire to punish the children? Normally, no. It is far more likely that it was the outcome of a rough day at work or the emergence of unfulfilled demands.
When a kid or teenager enters school, he or she may bully another child or adolescent. Another student may emotionally humiliate another student, not because of anything done to them, but because of a sense of powerlessness, a misunderstood internal struggle, or an unacknowledged wounded feeling.
Unloving behavior does not make a person a horrible person. It gives you humanity. Unkind acts, on the other hand, frequently indicate a lack of self-care and self-compassion.
The key to loving ourselves and each other in all personal growth and every connection is becoming aware of the origins of our behaviors:
We sometimes just have a horrible day and need someone to understand, even if we behave horribly. However, it is equally vital, to be honest about how we feel and what we require. Every emotion is okay; however, taking our emotions out on others is not desirable in any relationship.
Developing Self-Awareness: Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say:
You've probably heard that statement; it's excellent advice. When you hear yourself say, "Sorry, I didn't mean it," look into your heart.
Is there any reason you couldn't have meant it?
Did buried animosity abruptly surface because you were unable to express your feelings directly?
Has that person recently ignored you, or have they said or done anything harmful to you that was never repaired?
Perhaps it's as easy as the individual canceling a dinner date, even if they have a valid reason.
How to Determine Our Internal Motivation and Determine What We Require:
Determining when we are unloving is a fundamental step in loving consciously and having more empathy for others. When you feel yourself doing or doing anything unpleasant, ask yourself, "What would be a very excellent reason for me to act that way?
Next, consider whether you require anything to reestablish your serene feeling of self. Perhaps you'd like an apology or make-up, or you'd like to chat with the individual about what's upsetting you.
Perhaps all you need to do is become more aware of your own feelings and sympathize with yourself. In any event, act as soon as you realize what seems correct. You will experience greater inner peace and have fewer and fewer outbursts toward others as you repeat this procedure. We gain self-esteem every time we make a deliberate effort to comprehend our genuine motivations rather than discarding our acts too fast. And every time you take action to improve a relationship's intimacy, you create more respect, closeness, and understanding.
When you catch yourself repeating to yourself, "Sorry, I didn't mean it! Investigate it further to see whether it is the case.
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